End of the year, begin of vacation

It's pouring from the morning. All day long. It's cold and I mean it - COLD. No more than 12C. And grey and rainy. It was also the last day of day care. For me also quite a busy day. I was working home on my article. Later I had to quickly go and pick up few groceries, because tomorrow and on Saturday shops are closed (Juhannus, the shortest night celebrations) and buy a gift for Wanda's friend for his birthday. I wanted to do this before I had one kid at my side. But the idea of groceries came not only to me this afternoon and so it was a crazy day for shoppers. Luckily I didn't need many things. Bought two bunches of roses and two little fancy chocolates and rushed to day cares. It was kind of a sad moment. And happy in the same time too. But somehow I had tears in my eyes and in my mind that whole year - for Tomek such an important year. I almost saw him going there for the first time, still half a baby, with a diaper and not talking at all. And now I came to pick up a boy, independent, potty-trained for long, talkative, singing and making silly jokes. And Wanda? Not that huge of a change during this year, but still. When I came to her day care I saw that teachers has already changed the badges in a cloakroom and now I saw my dauther's name with a shark picture next to it. Sharks - the oldest and last year group. Buuu... my child is growing so fast. It wasn't that long ago either when I brought her to the day care for the first time, my little girl. For me as a person what does it mean one year or even four years - as this is the time which past.  For her is everything she remembers, all her experiences. I just started to write again. I had a break for almost four years, but actually I feel the same and I don't feel that much difference. Oh, anyway, such a mood I have today, it's because of the weather for sure and all the above circumstances.
But, hey, summer vacation just started!
And I promised to update the midnight view from my window. Here it is, from June 16.

Some spring updates and remarks about Nature

The most obvious sign of spring/summer time is now the length of the day. With our living room and bed rooms windows to the north west we are exposed to all those beautiful and every night later sun sets. It is hard to feel the bed time when you see the sun high up the sky. We have installed in kids room those darkening curtains. We don't have such in our bedroom and so we go to sleep with a full light, but to be honest - I am so exhausted that it doesn't matter. This is a picture taken on the last night of May around midnight. Still three weeks before the shortest night. I will try to make another photo closer to mid-summer night, but usually I am in bed around 11pm. Tonight though my on woke up around 2am, I went to ccheck for him and it was already deep yellow light on the east side or better to say north-east side of the sky and again - light. It still amazes me and makes me remember how far to the north we live. 

But there are also some down-sides of this fact. For example I still wear gloves while riding a bike and the temperatures are still way below 20C even on sunny and warm days. I long for summer heat! I long for wearing a summer dress and not to wear a jumper anymore. This year is really cold even for Finland.
In a meantime I took one short but intensive Finnish course. It was nine days, every day, half a day. The purpose was to activate my language skills and in actually worked quite well. What I didn't like was the teacher, who was sort of absent. I expected her to listen what we are discussing in our small groups and correct us, suggest some better words or sentences. She was only giving us a basic commands what shall we do. So we were talking how each of us was able to making probably many grammatical mistakes. But I think it was still quite a good brain exercise because somehow I pushed myself to speak, to use those few learned words and structures and not to be so timid of using this strange language.
During the last few weeks I was searching for job, writing some applications, searching for some good contacts and maybe, maybe there will be something interesting to do. I hope so. So it might be that soon I will be again a very busy person. I'm already excited.
On the weekends we are exploring our Espoo. Last time we took kids and biked to the Espoonpuisto - The Espoo Central Park, which opens just behind Suurpelto and is actually a wild forest, beautiful at this time of the year. We made a picnic on a shore of a tiny lake in the woods. Sunny, lazy Sunday. Kids were so happy to walk together holding hands hiding behind trees, exploring nature.



We spend too much time indoors which makes them to feel bored, to ask constantly for iPad, to fight about every little thing.



When we take them somewhere to the nature, they suddenly transform into best buddies, happy and relaxed. Recently I was reading about all the research made on the positive effects of spending time in the forest. It came to me when I was looking through my window and watch the construction site. Right behind it there is a beautiful view of a iddillic country side - an old farm house, a stable, fields and forest. And now day after day it disappears from my eyes because they build there a new apartment building. Sad.



I have this longing for living closer to nature. I chose for summer vacation an old country house located in a forested land in southern Poland - Roztocze - you can check here - Guciow. 

Discovering Espoo Car Museum

Since we moved to Espoo, we want to explore little by little what this place has to offer and what is here interesting for kids. After a short search in google last weekend we've found there is a Espoon auto museo - Car Museum. It is located in a north part of Espoo, somewhere in a country side. You drive through a narrow country road along fields and meadows, summer cabins and woods and finally you reach an old  grey stone stable and you GPS tells you you've reached the place. Outside two men were repairing an old-fashion motorcycle. Inside at the "ticket point" sit an old fat lady selling tickets, 6 euros per adult and three per child. Our 2,5 years old also had to pay. Oh, and they take only cash. But stepping inside you would be very much surprised by what a collection you're going to see. From their website you can read there is about hundred cars, as many motorbikes and bikes and many other everyday life items. And that is truth. The impression is one of a kind. You walk into that old stable, open the door and you are welcomed by two long and tightly packed rows of very old automobiles. Oldest are about one hundred years old, there are also many from the 20. and 30. XX century, those resembling Great Gatsby car. Then comes many from the 50. and 60. and so on.

this is the second floor, on the first were oldest cars

You could see old fire-trucks, kids toy-cars, the whole collection of cars from my early childhood - funny, some of them like an old Wartburg I remember from the streets in Poland in early 80.

their favorites!

You could also see those micro-cars, tiny and cute and actually very modern in design and would be very practical in today's crowded cities.

This museum is one of a kind, because it feels like it was made by automobile's enthusiasts, hobbyists. It is a huge collection, maybe even crowded - for today's modern museums standards, but it has it's atmosphere. And it is an excellent place for kids, because they can really explore it, search every nook and cranny, come very close to every car - the only thing bad - they are not allowed to touch them, but if they touch... well, nothing happens.

Suurpelto-Kamppi by bus

Today in the morning I decided to try the bus connection to downtown Helsinki. There is a direct bus and our bus stop is located about 200 meters from our house. Perfect. I took the kids and - off we go! They were so excited! Before we hardly used buses having metro or trams going to day cares or downtown. So the whole trip went very smoothly, although it takes half an hour. But actually in the morning rush hours, when all the cars are stuck in a traffic, all the buses go fast on their own lane. The bus wasn't crowded, we were sitting comfortably. Nothing to complain about. So in case of time it is the same. And what fun for the kids ;) And saving money for me, if we are taking a stroller with us. My old and worn out stroller doesn't have working brakes, but in the buses there is a quite clever solution to keep the carriages in place. There are little hooks assembled to poles, so you can hook your stroller.

Today while freezing outside (it's about 8C and icy cold strong wind, more like November weather, not May) I noticed all those ads on bus stops. The ads mostly from H&M and other clothes brands. What do they show? Half naked, nicely tanned girls in bikinis or lovely summer dresses running happily on a beach. Brrr.... Even from looking at them I was getting cold, covering myself with a warm scarf and wearing winter gloves and a hat. The globalization in fashion brands is sometimes almost ridiculous. The spring/summer collection comes to Finnish shops in March, when all the country is either covered in snow or if not snow, then still below zero temperatures. You rather are looking for another pair of winter shoes or a new overall for your growing kid, but instead you can buy brand new ballerinas in all the colors of the rainbow or a cute summer dress. Crazy. But anyway, hot tee will warm me up.  

My kids

My kids.

Wanda. So big already. So clever, intelligent. Loves to learn. Can already read in Polish and in English, but the latter is quite tricky for her. She can write and she writes. Her homeworks in English and just for fun in Polish. She has written in my notebook, I love you the most mommy in Polish. Tears in my eyes. She wants to be nice, to be kind, to please me and my husband, but of course she fights with her little brother. Obvious. But she loves him so so much and to be true she forgives him quite a lot. I love to watch them play together, discuss stuff, make deals, agree or disagree, but eventually get to the point. She still continues her book of short stories. It goes like last year. She tells the story and I write it down, without my corrections, just how she likes to have it. After we are done, she makes a picture. Creative. I don't know if this is this age, this development stage, but she loves rules and fairness. Everything must be fair. "It's not fair!" Is her favorite exclamation recently. And also recently she agreed voluntarily to the rule she would only watch and play on iPad or watch movies on the weekends. And it is so good for all of us. Since that rule was established we read much more, she draw much more and plays and do different interesting things.
Tomek. Changing a lot every day. Now almost without a diaper. Big step to becoming a boy not a baby anymore, big step to independence. Oh yes, he loves being independent, do things by himself. He is talking a lot and he can really speak quite good already. Full sentences, describing what someone or something is doing, what he wish do do or have, what are we going to do etc. He loves to emulate his sister, but also he likes to bother her. He is such a smart boy, playing games with us, making funny jokes and pretending. 

Inspiring culinary trip to Copenhagen

Denmark's capital is now famous in a modern culinary world with Noma and some other Michelin' spotted places. But this is not why I visited the city and my culinary inspirations didn't come from their best chefs. My visit was, say, more local. A weekend with my best friend who happens to be also a cooking savvy. First - I have learned something about salt. Yes, NaCl as simply as it is. So far I used to buy whatever cheapest I could find in a grocery store, usually iodized, either sea or rock and didn't think much of it. I couldn't understand recipes asking for some sophisticated strangely sounded names of particular salt like Fleur de Sel or Kosher Salt or Himalayan Salt or others. I used to fully ignore them and used my cheap stuff. Why not? Salt is quite important in our life and in our cooking. First: Different salts do have different taste - at least to some. At least if you just add it for serving the food, not for cooking itself. Artisan salts can have better quality, better taste, different structure. But also be careful - they are usually not fortified by iodine. And as we all know iodine is essential in our diet. So, although my friend promotes salts with no additives I would still be buying those with iodine. Why? Making my own research about salts I have read a lot about iodine deficiency disorder and how easy it is to prevent it by simply consuming iodized salt. Even mild deficiency can cause learning problems and lower IQ (think about your growing kids!). So, even if you'd prefer to pass the fancy artisan salt, try also so smuggle the regular iodized one for the sake of your and your kids well-being. Second - I have learned to make bread. My friend is a regular baker and she shared one of her basic recipes with me. I have made my own sourdough which I keep tightly closed in a fridge and feed it once a week or whenever I bake a new loaf. I've bought several different kinds of flours: rye, whole wheat, oat meal, spelt. I keep different seeds like sunflower or pumpkin. And I bake. And it is so simple and the final effect is so delicious you almost wait for a new fresh loaf. Like this one:

Third - I sort of changed my mind or maybe a way of thinking about hunting and eating game instead of meat from factory farms. Have you ever thought about that? You buy that cheap pork or beef sold in supermarket but you can't stand a thought about shooting a deer, right? For most of us unfortunately the answer is yes. As if pork would be grown on a tree and not coming from a poor treated pig, who never experienced any freedom in her life and was slotted in quite a horrible way. So yes, if you really mind, you should a) become a vegetarian b) buy only organic meet or meet from small traditional farms, where animals can have a decent life c) hunt and eat game. At least this deer enjoined free life in his natural environment. Fourth - some simple but delicious recipes for side dishes and how to smuggle vegetables into your family members plates. For ideas visit this tallerken blog, my Copenhagen' friend used to write.

My kiddos

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them. Sometimes I loose my temper. Sometimes I do yell at them. But most of the time I spend with them I hug them, I give them kisses, I chat with them, I listen to what they want to tell me, I play with them, I read to them, I cook and bake with them. I love them. Every day I think how amazing they both are and how lucky I am to be their mother. Tomek started to say "auto". He is a big enthusiast of mobiles, vehicles, bulldozers. Basically all the tough guy stuff. He is screaming that "wow!!!" whenever he sees one of those trucks. In a sandbox he always plays with the trucks and bulldozers. At home crawls pushing a car. I'm always laughing to myself, because I am really not a kind of mother who gives a car to a boy and a doll to a girl. But this is something like his basic instinct or I don't know. But he loves to play with a baby doll too, he likes to feed the doll with a bottle and press her belly to make her cry, he loves to hug his teddybear. And he is totally into dogs. Now more and more he is also into his sister. Whatever she does, he wants to do the same. He repeats her with everything, what she eats, what kind of noises she makes or what she wants to play with. And they do play together time to time. Of course there is lots of fight and screaming and an adult has to be always around. And Wanda? Well, as I said before she writes a book. She is so creative. Recently she made a little boat from a piece of bark she found outside on the yard. She made a musical instrument. She loves to color and draw and cut. She mastered riding a bike. She's my girl. He's my boy. Happy and good feeling.

Sad kids

I've read a letter from a Reader published  in a Polish magazine. The Reader was a woman, staff psychologist in an elementary school. She wrote about her every day encounters with pupils and their parents. And it was sad. It was about a lack of love. About loneliness. About acute longing to be loved, to be accepted, to be hugged. She wrote about a little boy, who very ofen is very sad because he knows his mother would never hug him, never kiss him. He is not allowed to play with his sister, because he is said he would always make a mess. His mother yells at him whenever he doesn't behave as she wished him to behave. He is scared. Another boy is sad, because he has heard from his mother several times that she's going to put him to a orphanage because he doesn't behave.
Every time I get mad because my kids do something stupid or not listen or whatever, I feel guilty. Whenever I do yell at them, especially my daughter, my son is still very little, I feel terrible. I know how wrong was I. I know how scared it was for my little girl. The angry mom is like an angry monster. The kid is scared and is vulnerable. As a mother I am learning every day a lot about being patient, about having tons of smiles and hugs to give, about not getting irritated and instead to laugh, about the unconditional love I do have for those two little kiddos and about how amazingly this love is growing every day. And still even with this love I do have bad days. I know it is normal, it is OK so far as we still give our kids love and appreciation and awareness and smiles and hugs and giggles. It is sad that not all parents know it and not all children are lucky to be nourished that way.

Puu-Vallila or Wooden Vallila walk

Today we went for a walk to this old district in Helsinki - wooden Vallila, old Vallila. It is few blocks with old wooden houses build in the beginning of XX century. They look a bit like those old small towns like Porvoo or Rauma. I mean that by walking down those narrow streets along those small wooden painted houses you don't have a feeling of being in a big city. You get the feeling of moving back several decades to some long forgotten old days. The weather was also perfect. Cold, a bit cloudy (and finally it started to snow a little), first sunny but soon quite dark. You know sort of the atmosphere from Kaurismaki's movies. Old fashion. Old Finland. Places you don't know where they are. And they hidden form the public eye. They hide nowadays between much higher newer buildings (still quite old though) which stand along main streets. For me it was sort of a surprise to "discover" the whole Vanha Vallila right behind a street which I used to drive almost for the whole last year (it was on my way to a day care). The houses still look quite good (some were under renovation) but what they say it is not a posh neighborhood. It used to be working class area but nowadays it is becoming trendy (or bohemian) like Kallio. I'm not sure about those wooden houses, but it is said about the whole Vallila. Unfortunately we didn't check the battery in our camera (it was empty) so no pics were taken. But I believe the one Helsinki episode from old Jim Jarmush movie has a scene either in this area or another with very similar old wooden houses. So, you can google and see that scene (when the drunk guy ends up being kicked out of the taxi around his house). Anyway, I like Helsinki for still having so many places like that. Preserved for decades without any touch of modern life.

Saturday at Haltiala Farm

Past summer in the city - Suomenlinna, Linnanmaki and stuff

OK, almost two months without putting a single word to my blog is a shame. I really even had a thought to stop posting at all. But it was a stupid idea. I should keep writing, for me, for the readers, for my English (buhhaaah! it's on a slippery slope since I've left the States!). So, let's look back to the summer. That is to August. It was a nice month. It was really super warm and sunny in Helsinki, we really had perfect summer weather and we had guests. My two nieces and my sister came to visit us. Wanda and Tomek were amazed and I hope everyone was happy. I decided to be a good auntie and I planned busy and active week in the city. There were too many of us to use my car, so everything we did was planned in a way we could have reach the place easily by public transport what is of course easy in Helsinki. And so one day we went to the Olympic Stadium swimming pool. I wrote about that place before. It is one of my faves place to spend a warm summer day. I love the old school architecture reminding me of the past era and the forested area. It's perfect to spend even a whole day, cause there is also a play ground for the kids or even two of them - one for little ones and one for big kids. You can use sauna, lay in the sun, have ice-cream. The only weird thing is that you are not allowed to take pictures. And I don't know what's the reason - that accidentally you can take a pic of another person or that you are not suppose to document the premises itself. Of course I didn't know it and so I started to take pics of my kids (I've managed to take some)and the staff person reminded me not to use my camera. Oh, actually they reminded us of other things too - like when my daughter took her swimsuit off and wanted to run to the water naked (it is not allowed) and when my niece wanted to snorkeling (and this is also not allowed for some reasons). I felt weird, cause there were only our family constantly being reminded of things, burt anyway, I didn't mind. I respect their rules. Another day we went for a whole day trip to Suomenlinna. It is a must for any visitor in Helsinki and of course I've been there several times but this time it was a very different visit. I found out that you can go there to tunnels in a fortress and the tunnels are scattered around the whole island area. And so the day before our trip I bought two torches, we packed lots of food for a picnic, took a blanket, good shoes and we went to downtown market. Ferries go from the Kauppatori and it takes about 15 minutes to get to the island. The first thing we did there was a visit on a play ground! Yes, what a surprise :) next thing was a picnic on a lawn, because all of us got extremely hungry and we packed all the delicious stuff. And when we were finishing our food we notices the sign telling "The toy museum". All right. I've never been there and so it looked like we were in a perfect company to explore it. It is hidden from the view and easy to omit if you follow the main track and not stopping at the playground. You have to turn towards the shore and than the path follows you through some old maintenance buildings, but after that you see a beautiful cosy house with a cute cafe, flowers, colors and you are right there. The toy museum is small, there is an entrance fee for kids too, but it is packed with old toys especially for girls. You can find there all kinds of old doll houses with all sort of tiny equipment - furniture, kitchen utensils. All tiny and beautiful and you wonder how it was possible to make such tiny pieces of all that. One of my nieces was over amazed, she could have spend there a whole day looking at the houses. She's the fan on Sylvinian Family if you know what I mean :). And after we were ready with that the girls wanted finally to use their torches and see the tunnels. They are marked on a map and not hard to find. Some of them are not very spectacular - too light and not underground, but the best one is close to the Kings Gate at the end of the island's main path and that one was something! The kids were excited, it was dark, wet and long tunnel and you could have "discover" some different paths inside. On our way back home (we took the ferry from the King's Gate) and than the metro home, Wanda fell asleep and she slept up to the next morning. It was an exhausted and exciting day. Oh, and of course one day we spent in Linnanmaki and even I went to one of their roller-coster. But I am not a person who enjoys it... anyway kids had lots of fun. I was mostly amazed by the prizes: a single ride is 7 euros not depending on age , one good thing is that some small kids carusells are for free. What else have we done during that week? They explored the Natural History Museum which is fun for the kids, cause you can see the skeletons of dinosaurs and plenty of animals from all over the world. We've been there with Wanda twice already. It's good especially in a winter time. This time we didn't go to Heureka - again the car didn't fit so many people. But the girls were happy to play in our play park Myllynsippi, which is now brand new renovated and really nice. Oh, it's so good to memorize the summer!

Friends

I have to say that: I do have great friends here. We are four moms of our four kids who are best friends in a day care. All the teachers always point to their great friendship and how unusual it is in that age. They are friends since they were hardly three! And we moms became also good friends, getting together on all the play dates, birthday parties, other parties and occasions. Yesterday I made for Wanda her B-day party because one of the friends is soon leaving for Holland and all the others (we too) will go for summer vacation, so there wouldn't be any possibility to celebrate her birthday on an actual day in July. And so all they came to our home, it was tons of laugh, some crying and screaming, some fighting but all in all great fun and play. And such great presents she got, and she had a cake with a number 4 candle and she was so proud that she is also 4 now. Big girl. For a cake I baked a brownie and decorated it with a cream cheese frosting and strawberries. Very American :) but is was delicious. Oh, and it was so so sad to say good-bye to one of us. Gaby and her cute Lotte are leaving and it was really the last time we've seen them. Sad. It is so sad, you make friends and then it is time to say good bye.

May Day

There came May. And there was a may-Day or Vappu in Finland. Everywhere in the world people celebrate the Day of Labour, but in Finland people celebrate this day as it was a New Year's Eve. There is sparkling wine everywhere, people are picnicking in parks all over the city, the booze is everywhere and cheer mood too. We were considering going downtown and see all that silly crowd, but than I said - well, maybe our seven months old baby wouldn't appreciate that dizzy atmosphere. And so we just went for a long walk to the woods near by and we really appreciated the spring weather, the spring forest - green and free of snow! And again so beautiful with all the huge rocks and conifers around. And believe it or not on that special day we'd got a special weather. It was the warmest day so far this year. It was almost 14C plus full sunshine plus unfortunately strong wind, but in the forest we didn't feel it that much. And you know what, walking in the woods we actually noticed that this northern forests are quite smart. Because there are almost only the coniferous trees and on a ground there is moss - everything is green again the moment the last snow melts. It is smart in the climate where new green leaves come in mid May at the earliest. Anyway, my mood is of course much better now.

Spring and stuff

I'm tired. I have no time for anything. Even for writing this blog! I feel like a servant. Every day same things. And not very exciting things. Tiding up the house. Doing laundry. Grocery. All the time of course there is nursing, changing diapers, playing with the baby. And some time in between is a quick shower, fast breakfast, coffee, emails, facebook, coffee, make-up. There is cooking, picking up our daughter from her daycare, playing outside or at home, giving a bath, cuddling to sleep. Free time!!!! A glass of wine or a gym, but usually I am so tired at this time that I don't enjoy those moments really. I feel that I always have to be alert - if anything happens I am there to help. Bad dream, night crying, pain - mommy's always there. Yes, daddy too, I can not say he is not present and helping. He is, but still, being a parent makes me feel exhausted. Maybe it is those recent months - harsh and longest ever winter, little baby, sleepless night for the last almost seven months, no help (like a grandma or nanny as some lucky mothers do have) and here you go. I don't have the usual spring energy and happiness. I don't share my last year enthusiasm of coming spring. Snow has melted (almost, on our yard there is still this disgusting dirty pile of it), birds are singing, little spring flowers are appearing from the ground but somehow I'm not enjoying it. I bought some flowers for our balcony and we just came back from a beautiful and warm, very warm Spain, but it didn't help to rise up my mood. After the second Finnish winter I am not so sure anymore that I love this country. More and more often I think that there are only three and a half years left of a contract and maybe after that we will move somewhere. I totally lost any interest in studding the language. I can see now more dark sides of this society and country than before. Every weekend while being on a walk we talk over and over again about living somewhere else. How about this country, how about moving there or there? Those are our regular topics. My husband never was overenthusiastic about Finland and now I guess I feel similar. Or maybe it is my tiredness.

2013 - doesn't this look like a date from a sci-fi movie?

Time flies. Especially in December. Especially if you have to prepare Christmas, take care of your sick child and be a host for your family. So that was that. My daughter got very sick on December 15th, so she didn't go to the kindergarten for the whole pre-Xmas week. High fever, watching cartoons, reading books, taking care of a baby and trying to keep him away from the sick sister - impossible of course, so mostly praying for not catching the bug. And in a meantime (if there is any) doing some cooking and baking and shopping. It was quite a hard and chaotic week and I was worrying so much about Wanda. She was so weak, exhausted from the fever and she got an antibiotics, she lost appetite. You know - a really sick child. And she almost never gets sick. Last winter maybe twice she had some cold and nothing else. And than came the family. It was nice, but well... noisy. The kids got wild, adults got nervous, the baby couldn't sleep at all because of the chaos and noise. Everyone was coughing and so the baby started too. And so after everyone left we landed up by a doctor with our both kids. Wanda - ear infection equals antibiotics again and Tomaszek just this coughing and some syrup as a medicine. And so the days past up to the New Year's Eve. At home of course. Tired as hell. With a great glass of champagne. Today we finally came to our old rutine: Wanda's first day in her daycare, my husband at work. Me and the baby at home. And finally I have some time for myself. To sit with a coffee, to write some emails and this short note here. Oh, and I'm so sick of the winter!!!! Up to Christmas it was beautiful - white, the snow was so fresh and shiny. But then came the thaw and after that some frost again and so it's grey, the snow is dirty and icy, no sun at all. Gloomy time. I feel I need to go somewhere, at best without the kids. I need sun and vacation! And I know it is not possible in the nearest future.

Mother's moments

It is hard to be a mother of two. And now I'm not talking about taking care itself, cause with that I'm quite well so far. I mean my feelings and feelings of my daughter - this is what has changed since there is another baby at home. Obviously I'm all the time with our baby-boy - nursing or holding him. And for that reasons I can not cuddle Wanda at the same time. And I feel the little baby stays between us. He takes me from my daughter. I want to be as close as I always was with Wanda, but I can not anymore. I do my best, but it is difficult. And the other thing is Wanda now is much more into her father. Now everything is with daddy, daddy this, daddy that, I love you daddy etc. They really have their own world and I am not there. I'm with a baby. And of course it is a beautiful time and best feelings for him but I miss my little Wanda and how it was before the baby was born. It is strange I know. I have to adjust. I think Wanda doesn't feel like that. And maybe it is also this age for a little girl that she becomes daddy's little lady :) It is also so important for her development. So maybe I should be happy that she's not jealous because of having to share mommy's time with the baby, but she simply more and more enjoys her time with daddy. I think it is hardest for me to adjust and to learn my new role - being a mom of two and having my love for the two and sharing me and my time among them.

Fulfillment

Last Saturday while sitting with my parents, my husband and the kids in Kappeli cafe in the Esplanadi Park I had suddenly those thoughts. I'm done with pregnancies. I don't have to plan another child and when would be the right time for that and how to organize everything and how many more years I do have to make a baby etc. I already have my complete family and there won't be any more morning sickness, no more growing belly, no more all the other not that great symptoms of being pregnant. And that was a relief. That was such a nice, calming feeling. Why in that cafe? Because I remember being there with my sister who came to help me in late February (while I was struggling with the morning sickness and horrible mood) and we went there to celebrate my birthday. And I remember that I still didn't feel well and was not in a mood. And later I was there with my sister and my cousin and after I ate a cake I felt so horribly full and big. And than again in May I was there with my mom and with my quite a big belly. But than suddenly last Saturday I felt so well, my baby was asleep in his stroller and my daughter was happy eating her piece of cake and I felt like "I don't have to do anything more". That's a beautiful feeling. Now I only have to lose those couple of kilograms, but that's a piece of cake. Well, maybe better without that piece of cake ;) anyway...

Summer in the city

Yes, it came! Summer! It's so beautiful - warm and sunny and I enjoy those warm days more than ever since this year even summer in Poland was awful. And what do we do with this great weather? We went to an outdoor swimming pool. It's a cool place for a nice family day or just mom plus kid day. The pool in a part of the Olympic Stadium that is it was build for the Olympics held in Helsinki in 1952. And it means the whole area is in this old-school style. There is a big tower with a trampoline and a clock - a view resembling pictures from American movies from the 50s. And the surroundings - an old park, so lots of trees and those huge rocks "growing" from the ground. First time I took there Wanda about two weeks ago and today we went there again. She was quite tired after her daycare, but when you have 24C and no single cloud on the sky you don't want to head home in the afternoon. So we went refresh in a warm water. Yes, the water there is nice and warm - it's heated. And Wanda can already swim by herself (I mean of course wearing the water wings). Anyway, if you ever have a chance visit the place.