Inspiring culinary trip to Copenhagen

Denmark's capital is now famous in a modern culinary world with Noma and some other Michelin' spotted places. But this is not why I visited the city and my culinary inspirations didn't come from their best chefs. My visit was, say, more local. A weekend with my best friend who happens to be also a cooking savvy. First - I have learned something about salt. Yes, NaCl as simply as it is. So far I used to buy whatever cheapest I could find in a grocery store, usually iodized, either sea or rock and didn't think much of it. I couldn't understand recipes asking for some sophisticated strangely sounded names of particular salt like Fleur de Sel or Kosher Salt or Himalayan Salt or others. I used to fully ignore them and used my cheap stuff. Why not? Salt is quite important in our life and in our cooking. First: Different salts do have different taste - at least to some. At least if you just add it for serving the food, not for cooking itself. Artisan salts can have better quality, better taste, different structure. But also be careful - they are usually not fortified by iodine. And as we all know iodine is essential in our diet. So, although my friend promotes salts with no additives I would still be buying those with iodine. Why? Making my own research about salts I have read a lot about iodine deficiency disorder and how easy it is to prevent it by simply consuming iodized salt. Even mild deficiency can cause learning problems and lower IQ (think about your growing kids!). So, even if you'd prefer to pass the fancy artisan salt, try also so smuggle the regular iodized one for the sake of your and your kids well-being. Second - I have learned to make bread. My friend is a regular baker and she shared one of her basic recipes with me. I have made my own sourdough which I keep tightly closed in a fridge and feed it once a week or whenever I bake a new loaf. I've bought several different kinds of flours: rye, whole wheat, oat meal, spelt. I keep different seeds like sunflower or pumpkin. And I bake. And it is so simple and the final effect is so delicious you almost wait for a new fresh loaf. Like this one:

Third - I sort of changed my mind or maybe a way of thinking about hunting and eating game instead of meat from factory farms. Have you ever thought about that? You buy that cheap pork or beef sold in supermarket but you can't stand a thought about shooting a deer, right? For most of us unfortunately the answer is yes. As if pork would be grown on a tree and not coming from a poor treated pig, who never experienced any freedom in her life and was slotted in quite a horrible way. So yes, if you really mind, you should a) become a vegetarian b) buy only organic meet or meet from small traditional farms, where animals can have a decent life c) hunt and eat game. At least this deer enjoined free life in his natural environment. Fourth - some simple but delicious recipes for side dishes and how to smuggle vegetables into your family members plates. For ideas visit this tallerken blog, my Copenhagen' friend used to write.

And back again in 2015

Hello and welcome back after shamefully long break of not posting any single word. After summer I sort of felt there is nothing to add about my life here about Helsinki and Finland or that everything I have already said or my life is boring enough to not writing about it at all or maybe I was excusing myself for being too lazy to write or not having enough time or whatever reason you could possibly find. Anyway, I was hoping to find out a new huge topic to post about to establish a brand new blog and to start my brand new blog-life and story telling. But nothing has come to me. On the other hand every week or so I do have something quite interesting to say or think about this simple life, those everyday events happening around me and my family or to comment about what is going on elsewhere. And so anyway, my New Year's resolution #1 is to continue this blog. Because I believe it is worth it. It is worth writing just for myself. Yesterday I went through some old and very old posts from the early days in Finland and it was such a warm feeling to read about my little daughter (how much has she changed since!) and my first steps in Finland (how much has my mind changed since!).

Because so much time has passed since my last post I would like to write a little about some past events. First a bit about our summer cottage experience. Second about my Finnish course which I started in September and now I am continuing it after the Christmas break. Third about my new routine having both kids in day cares and having some free time - not free actually, but kids free :). Fourth about my thoughts according to where do I belong to - those thoughts appear whenever I go to my home country. Fifth - about this and that as always on this blog, about my kiddos and their development, good and worse moods, weather etc.

My kiddos

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them. Sometimes I loose my temper. Sometimes I do yell at them. But most of the time I spend with them I hug them, I give them kisses, I chat with them, I listen to what they want to tell me, I play with them, I read to them, I cook and bake with them. I love them. Every day I think how amazing they both are and how lucky I am to be their mother. Tomek started to say "auto". He is a big enthusiast of mobiles, vehicles, bulldozers. Basically all the tough guy stuff. He is screaming that "wow!!!" whenever he sees one of those trucks. In a sandbox he always plays with the trucks and bulldozers. At home crawls pushing a car. I'm always laughing to myself, because I am really not a kind of mother who gives a car to a boy and a doll to a girl. But this is something like his basic instinct or I don't know. But he loves to play with a baby doll too, he likes to feed the doll with a bottle and press her belly to make her cry, he loves to hug his teddybear. And he is totally into dogs. Now more and more he is also into his sister. Whatever she does, he wants to do the same. He repeats her with everything, what she eats, what kind of noises she makes or what she wants to play with. And they do play together time to time. Of course there is lots of fight and screaming and an adult has to be always around. And Wanda? Well, as I said before she writes a book. She is so creative. Recently she made a little boat from a piece of bark she found outside on the yard. She made a musical instrument. She loves to color and draw and cut. She mastered riding a bike. She's my girl. He's my boy. Happy and good feeling.

I love fall!

Even those grey wet foggy days are beautiful with those yellow orange and red leaves falling down, covering streets and side walks like thick carpets. I like the fog soaring at the sea surface and hiding all the ships from your view. I like to set up candle lights around the house. It makes the fall/winter cosy atmosphere. Today I went to IKEA to buy some furniture for Wanda's room and it's funny - there you have X-mass decorations already. Bit too early for me. We still are in a harvest mood with pumpkins and all kinds of squashes and wild berries around. I love to go to Hakaniemi farmers market and buy there fresh goodies. I love their organic shop inside, where they do have all sorts of fine squashes and best cucumbers ever :) Today I should cook something with my butternut squash still sitting in my refrigerator... Warming-up soup maybe? 

Giving birth and what's after...

There was a discussion on a Facebook group Expat parents in Helsinki about going to hospital to give birth and what to pack and what to expect. I remember very well those days before my labour started and how excited I was and how much I did to prepare myself for that moment. I took those expensive birth prep classes, I was attending prenatal yoga classes, I was practicing breathing and I was preparing my mind listening to all those relaxation mantras. And that's OK. But giving birth it was a moment - looking at the big picture and from my perspective right now. It was a very BIG moment of course and in that very moment I felt like nothing on earth is more important than that, but after my newborn son was resting on my belly it was all over and the new chapter has already began. And guess what - for this new chapter we are not prepared. I mean, I was sort of, because he was my second child, but still. We don't take classes of "how to be a parent", "how to deal with sleepless nights, crying, new family relations, crisis, your own life, your private time (none of it for long months), fights" etc. etc. I know, there are self-help-books, I know, I've read tons of them while being first-time mom and I only got even more frustrated (guess what - life was not exactly as they said in those books...). Now I remember what one of my friends told me when I was just couple weeks before giving birth. She is a mother of three, two of them are already teens. And she said something similar to my current thoughts. She said, it was good that I was preparing myself for the labour, but the real life starts after that and this is what I should have in mind. It is so true. I remember after having Wanda I even didn't know about what to expect from my own body, all the physiological changes normal for a postpartum period and later on. I didn't know because actually no one tells that. We focus so much on a pregnancy, we know all the symptoms by heart for every month of the pregnancy, but we are surprised after it's over how our body changes, reacts and looks like. Some time ago I even wrote an article (for a Polish women's magazine "Twoj Styl") about exactly that: what to expect not while you're expecting but after the baby is already there, what to expect from your body and mind. So, yes, it is good to be prepared for giving birth, a good birth, but it is same important, no, more important, to be prepared for what's after. 

Enjoying life - again

How do I feel today? My happy little life (this is also a title of a lovely blog I subscribe to). Yes, my little happy events, my little happy moments, so precious, so sweet. Moments with my kids. Best kids! I love them so much. For the last few days both of them are so sweet, well behaved, smiley. I'm so proud of them. Recently I had an parent-teacher appointment in Wanda's day care. And I've heard all the best things ever about my little daughter. How smart she is, how independent and confident, what a good friend she is and has very strong bonds with her friends (which I know, but it looks like it is something quite unusual at this age). How good she is in focusing on a subject or task, how good are they language skills and writing and interest in learning new stuff. Wow, a lot of great news. And while I was sitting there and listening to all those praises my beloved baby boy was playing next to me on a mat not interrupting at all. And today we had a date - me and my husband. And we took a babysitter for the kids. Big step for us! And everything went just excellent. Tomek was such a good baby not crying at all and Wanda had a good time playing with the girl. We are going to do this time to time. And the date itself? It would be perfect if not for the fact that the movie we went to see was mostly in French! It wasn't a French movie though. We wouldn't choose one. It was an American movie made by an American director "To the wonder" with Ben Affleck playing a main character, so we really didn't expect other spoken language than English. So, it was quite funny or annoying that we  didn't understand the words, but on the other hand the movie is made in such a picturesque way with not that many dialogues, so you can find out what's going on. And Ben Affleck wasn't very talkative. The movie was about emotions, not words. So it saved the situation. Well, I'm going to read the plot on Wikipedia... It was good to have a glass of champagne and to sit on Esplanadi and watch the summer crowd. I like Helsinki again. Anyway, did I share the weather forecast already? No? I should have! We have SUMMER. It is beautiful, sunny, warm, so warm that you look for some shade. It was like 25C and no clouds and no wind. And it is suppose to be so nice for the next few days. Hurray! Moods up! 

Mother's moments

It is hard to be a mother of two. And now I'm not talking about taking care itself, cause with that I'm quite well so far. I mean my feelings and feelings of my daughter - this is what has changed since there is another baby at home. Obviously I'm all the time with our baby-boy - nursing or holding him. And for that reasons I can not cuddle Wanda at the same time. And I feel the little baby stays between us. He takes me from my daughter. I want to be as close as I always was with Wanda, but I can not anymore. I do my best, but it is difficult. And the other thing is Wanda now is much more into her father. Now everything is with daddy, daddy this, daddy that, I love you daddy etc. They really have their own world and I am not there. I'm with a baby. And of course it is a beautiful time and best feelings for him but I miss my little Wanda and how it was before the baby was born. It is strange I know. I have to adjust. I think Wanda doesn't feel like that. And maybe it is also this age for a little girl that she becomes daddy's little lady :) It is also so important for her development. So maybe I should be happy that she's not jealous because of having to share mommy's time with the baby, but she simply more and more enjoys her time with daddy. I think it is hardest for me to adjust and to learn my new role - being a mom of two and having my love for the two and sharing me and my time among them.

Fulfillment

Last Saturday while sitting with my parents, my husband and the kids in Kappeli cafe in the Esplanadi Park I had suddenly those thoughts. I'm done with pregnancies. I don't have to plan another child and when would be the right time for that and how to organize everything and how many more years I do have to make a baby etc. I already have my complete family and there won't be any more morning sickness, no more growing belly, no more all the other not that great symptoms of being pregnant. And that was a relief. That was such a nice, calming feeling. Why in that cafe? Because I remember being there with my sister who came to help me in late February (while I was struggling with the morning sickness and horrible mood) and we went there to celebrate my birthday. And I remember that I still didn't feel well and was not in a mood. And later I was there with my sister and my cousin and after I ate a cake I felt so horribly full and big. And than again in May I was there with my mom and with my quite a big belly. But than suddenly last Saturday I felt so well, my baby was asleep in his stroller and my daughter was happy eating her piece of cake and I felt like "I don't have to do anything more". That's a beautiful feeling. Now I only have to lose those couple of kilograms, but that's a piece of cake. Well, maybe better without that piece of cake ;) anyway...

Welcome on board

And so the new chapter in our life has already begun. And it began right on time. Our tiny son came to this world exactly as it was said: on September 29 at 0.54 AM. This is just the Finnish way, they don't like to be late. So, how it was? As I mentioned in my previous post the waters broke on Friday very early in the morning, sometime between 5 and 6 AM. But I felt fine, no contractions yet. So the day started as usual. My husband took Wanda to her daycare and he went to work. But I felt not as usual. I was already so excited and happy that it finally started. And of course I've got this crazy energy for cleaning the house. I cleaned the bathrooms but stopped myself from vacuuming and other house chores. Instead I played my relaxation CD and fell asleep with it as usual. I was jumping on my ball. I called my sister and my mom. And some light contractions started. They were about 20 minutes apart and quite light, so I proudly made what I've learned during my HypnoBirthing classes, that is those long and slow breathing. And I waited what's next. I called the hospital and they said if nothing would changed I should show up at 5 PM, that is after 12 hours from the breaking of waters so they can check if everything is fine. We went all together with Wanda. They took us to a room where they could monitor the baby's heart rate. It took two hours and actually during that time my contractions started to be quite uncomfortable, intense and even quite painful and with a frequency of 10 minutes. So, around 7.30 PM the midwife asked if I want to go back home or stay there. We decided it will be easier if I stay there. So Adam and Wanda went home and I stayed in a room and waited what's next. After an hour the contractions were painful and around 9.30 PM they started to be more frequent, about 5 minutes apart. So after having them for 50 minutes I told about them the midwife and she said it's time to move to the delivery room. Another midwife, who stayed with me for my whole labor welcomed me there at around 10.40 PM. She gave me the ball, she brought me a warm pillow and put it to my back, she made a dim light and was very nice, asking what she can do for me. So first I was sitting on a ball and on a rocking chair and I still could do my slow and relaxing breathing during the contractions. But with every one which came next it was harder and harder to be up and so I lay down on a bed with that warm pillow and I still tried to be as calm as possible and relaxed. But I couldn't anymore because they started to be very painful. It started to be sort of a fight with every contraction and waiting for it to go away. My midwife asked, if I need any painkiller. First I said no, I can stand it. But after some time I asked for the laughing gas. I don't know if it was of any help, but at least I had something distracting to do, when I felt that the next contraction is coming. So I was breathing this funny air through the mask harder and harder. And I was no more relaxed and I couldn't think about my easy and gentle birth. I was in terrible pain and I had even the feeling of fear how much more I could stand and that I want it over. I don't know what time it was, probably around midnight when my midwife asked me again if I need any stronger painkiller and that the only thing is actually epidural. I said between contractions that I try to withstand from that, I try for some more time. She checked me and I was dilated 6 cm. The contractions were stronger and stronger, and still more frequent. I was gasping the gas like crazy, although it didn't seem to make the pain any lesser. Soon after that I started to have the urge to push and it was even harder to stand. I felt like my all inner organs are going to go out. She checked again - 9 cm. She said, good, it's going to be soon, you are doing great, good job, push, when you feel like doing that. But than she asked me to go on all four because the baby's heart rate is going down. She said it will help the baby. But being on all four during the contractions was almost impossible for me, cause I just didn't have enough power in my legs and arms. I was falling down on a bed. And than suddenly some other people came to the room, a midwife and a doctor. My midwife said they will help me, cause the baby should be born very soon. And that they have to use the vacuum. At that moment I was like in a different world, all overwhelmed with myself and my body and my pain and the only thing I wanted - I wanted to be done with that. And I pushed down, now screaming and crying "I can't any more! Can't stand it!!!!" but I could somehow, gasping the gas, not thinking, feeling that incredible pain and wanted to be over. They supported me: you can do it, it's almost over. It took maybe couple of minutes but I thought it's forever. I heard voices: just one more push, push when you are ready, when you have the contraction, push as much as you can, yes, good job. And than I felt that most incredible and most painful feeling ever when the baby's head was going through the birth canal. I thought it's my end, that this will tear my body apart into two. But it didn't. And instead after a moment the baby was outside. And I was trembling, shaking. My whole body was shaking like crazy, every muscle. And I've got him to my belly. Happy I guess, but at that moment I couldn't say what I felt. Most probably I could call it a release. A big "uff" and "that was that" sort of thoughts. I was lying on that bed calmly and so was my baby. Only when everything was over they told me the heart rate fell to just 50 bits per minute and that's why they had to make it as fast as possible although I was actually ready myself, so they only made sure there won't be any complications. Soon all the doctors left saying congratulations and I stayed again only with my midwife, who again had turned the lights off. She helped me to birth the placenta, she made some stitches and after all was done she just gave me my time with my precious newborn baby. We were lying there for two hours without any interruptions. I called my husband, actually I did it immediately after giving birth, like ten minutes after the baby was born. He was so proud of me. And ah, well, the new life was born. The new story has already begun. And you know what? Not long ago I had those thoughts about loving my second child and how it will be. There are no second thoughts any more. I'm totally in love with him, he's so cute and lovely and I have tons of love for him. And I still have the same love for Wanda as I had always before. There that was born not only a new child but also together with him new huge love. And this is a miracle of life. Now we are really a complete family.