Friday, April 26, 2013

Spain


Yes, we were there. Our spring vacation. And it was one of a best things we did this winter. We were leaving Helsinki covered in snow (old, grey snow) and during that week most of it has melted. We came to Spain, to Barcelona and it was 20C in the evening on the airport! Flowers and palm trees! We rented a car and headed to Tossa de Mar, a wonderful medieval town on Costa Brava. Dream place it was. And there was again at least plus 20 every day. The beach, the sea, cafes, restaurants, wine, jamon, oh, even a date with my own husband! Yep, it doesn't happen that often these days. So, I appreciated it a lot and I was so happy and relaxed there. My parents came too, so we split the time with the kids. I would say, I'd love to make it more often. Even in March it won't be a bad idea. There would be already spring, while there is still full winter in Finland. And I wouldn't mind to wear a light coat. So, why I didn't bring back with me that summer attitude? I don't know. Somehow I am tired with everything and it is hard to enjoy my everyday routine. But I know it is a temporary mood. It always was. I'm not a pessimist by nature. Oh, anyway, I can hear and see a digger which came to remove the rest of the snow from our yard! Yeah! Hurra! Small things can make your day :)

Spring and stuff

I'm tired. I have no time for anything. Even for writing this blog! I feel like a servant. Every day same things. And not very exciting things. Tiding up the house. Doing laundry. Grocery. All the time of course there is nursing, changing diapers, playing with the baby. And some time in between is a quick shower, fast breakfast, coffee, emails, facebook, coffee, make-up. There is cooking, picking up our daughter from her daycare, playing outside or at home, giving a bath, cuddling to sleep. Free time!!!! A glass of wine or a gym, but usually I am so tired at this time that I don't enjoy those moments really. I feel that I always have to be alert - if anything happens I am there to help. Bad dream, night crying, pain - mommy's always there. Yes, daddy too, I can not say he is not present and helping. He is, but still, being a parent makes me feel exhausted. Maybe it is those recent months - harsh and longest ever winter, little baby, sleepless night for the last almost seven months, no help (like a grandma or nanny as some lucky mothers do have) and here you go. I don't have the usual spring energy and happiness. I don't share my last year enthusiasm of coming spring. Snow has melted (almost, on our yard there is still this disgusting dirty pile of it), birds are singing, little spring flowers are appearing from the ground but somehow I'm not enjoying it. I bought some flowers for our balcony and we just came back from a beautiful and warm, very warm Spain, but it didn't help to rise up my mood. After the second Finnish winter I am not so sure anymore that I love this country. More and more often I think that there are only three and a half years left of a contract and maybe after that we will move somewhere. I totally lost any interest in studding the language. I can see now more dark sides of this society and country than before. Every weekend while being on a walk we talk over and over again about living somewhere else. How about this country, how about moving there or there? Those are our regular topics. My husband never was overenthusiastic about Finland and now I guess I feel similar. Or maybe it is my tiredness.