Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Expat wifes

Recently I've met a Polish girl. Her daughter has joined Wanda's group in a day care and this is how we've met. Very nice and warm person and an excellent example of an expat wife and an expat life style. Her husband is making his career in a big corporation, which sends him once in couple of years from one country to another. And well, yes, for eleven years now they are on a go. Some years in Moscow, some in Frankfurt, some in Budapest. They have three kids. He works long hours. And she is at home. During all those years she never worked cause how? How can you find a job in a country with a language you don't know and with no experience in that country and knowing that in three years you won't live there any more? So, any other options? Staying-at-home-mom-and-wife. And basically this is how most expat wives live. One of my friend manages to write a blog and she contributes to a moms website with her blog (she's from Holland and she writes in Dutch), so at least she makes something other people can read and appreciate, but it's only that blog and she writes about her kids and her mom's life... Another one I've met at the music class Wanda attends (soon there will be a post 'bout it) is moving from country to country with her husband, who works for an American embassy. Previously they lived in Cameroon and before for some years in another African country. The only women, who can work and who do work here are the ones who are married to Finns and who knows they will stay here for longer if not forever. So, they learn Finnish and they just settle down. For reasons. And what I am doing? What could I do during these coming years? So far I do nothing - I don't count this blog, cause it is still unofficial - for friends. I didn't write a piece since last summer. I don't have time and I don't have a power to find this time. I'm lazy I guess. And already I feel that my brain is melting, I'm losing my grey matter and white matter and I feel so stupid in case of knowledge! I miss the time I was writing like hell and interviewing the smartest brain in science. But in my current situation it's impossible. When? In the night at the kitchen table? And as my very personal situation has recently changed I won't have this possibility for another two or more years. But again. I do enjoy my life. And I meet here other women who are just like me so I don't feel like "everyone makes a career only me a desperate housewife". And I still believe one day I will go back again to my work and to myself. It's just now, for some years my expat life. Full of experiences though, only different, but maybe some day they turn out to be very fruitful. Who knows...

9 comments:

  1. "I feel that my brain is melting, I'm losing my grey matter and white matter and I feel so stupid in case of knowledge"

    well, you're not the only one...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Paula, at 4.20am I think everyone has am empty head! Have a good night sleep and you'll fill up your smart and young brain again! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. to nie była 4 rano, masz coś źle ustawione w zegarze na stronie ;) o jakieś... 10godzin z tego co widzę :D obawiam się, że nie mam już czego wypełniać :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bitter-sweet post. I guess every girl who is a mum knows what you mean more or less. Beeing an expat probably makes the mum situation harder, however I remember having hard time as well although I've been in Poland all the time. Having a baby is great - one of the most important experiences of my life - however sometimes it means loneliness and beeing out of (regular) life. Anyway, kids grow realy fast, as soon as they go to regular daycare, life goes back to normal - that means you can go back to whatever you did before becoming a mum. And after a hard day in work or any other troubles it's so great to see the little smiling face and hug someone who is really happy to see you. Worthless:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. thanks Ula. you're right. but i'll have to wait for this day a little bit longer :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. i wanted to give you a hug and tell you... you are not alone. i'm using the art side of my brain :) again in this chapter of my life and i LOVE it!
    however i really missed the routine of going to work at first. i still miss the social interaction with my work friends.
    it is nice to find your blog!
    have a wonderful day!
    tracie

    ReplyDelete
  7. hi Tracie, thank you for your warm comment and support :). I've looked at your blog and like it so much!

    ReplyDelete
  8. i just found your blog. i definitely understand this post and im curious to know if i can contact you directly (not sure how to arrange that). i currently live in eastern canada (i am american though) and my husband just got a job interview at university of helsinki. we are to visit in mid-april and i have no idea what to expect of finland. i have lived in france before but finnish seems entirely daunting to me. i know i will certainly require some kind of english speaking community if we decide to live in helsinki. i have a 2 year old daughter who i know will keep me busy, but we will need to interact and become part of the city. ideas?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi amw, thanks for your comment. I don't want to share on this site my email, but maybe the best way is if you find me on facebook in a group Expat parents in Helsinki and you can send me a message. or write me your email, if you want. and well, congrats for your husband. what to expect? life is nice and easy but winter is way too long :) and there is plenty of English speaking expats abd most of Finns speak English. don't worry!

    ReplyDelete